


If I Could Breathe

by onelastdime



Category: Hanson (Band), Phantom Planet (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:40:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22123501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onelastdime/pseuds/onelastdime
Summary: It's the early 2000s and Taylor finds a small club with live music. He never could have guessed what would happen after he sees the magnetic stage presence of the lead singer.
Relationships: Alex Greenwald/Taylor Hanson
Kudos: 1





	1. Can't Help Myself

**Author's Note:**

> I used to write Hanfic between 2004-2007 using the name and_a_feeling/onelastdime on LiveJournal. Anything posted here is from that time.

He stood there in the back of the room, appreciative of being over-looked by the crowd. Everywhere he went, legions of teenage girls flocked around him, demanding his attention, his autograph... the time of enjoying the attention had long come and gone. Thankfully, tonight, the girls were captivated by someone other than him. Taylor couldn't blame them, even he couldn't avert his eyes from the stage. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but something about that singer was absolutely entrancing. Something about the mix of innocent beauty and raw passion that was exuding from him. It was positively magical. Who was this guy?

Immediately after the set, as the band prepared to leave the stage, Taylor made a beeline to the backstage entrance. He had to meet this guy. After a few words with the security guard (and what Taylor considered to be an unnecessary mention of "MMMBop"), he was backstage and on the lookout. He knew the general layout of most venues and even half of them by heart, but he'd never played in this little hole-in-the-wall L.A. club before and it took him several minutes to find the snack room where all the band members had retired.

His entrance to the room raised some heads and even a few eyebrows but most of the band and crew returned to their business after a quick moment. Taylor's eyes scanned the room until they fell upon the lead singer relaxing on a couch against the side wall. Why was he nervous all of a sudden? He'd introduced himself to a million musicians. Why was this guy any different? Taylor didn't know, but he was intent on finding out.

He paced across the room and sat down on the couch as nonchalantly as possible. "Hey."

The man next to him lifted his head from the back of the couch and opened his eyes for the first time since Taylor had come into the room. His eyes widened and his eyebrows lifted for a moment before his face relaxed again. "Hey to you."

Taylor laughed under his breath. "I take it you know who I am?" The man nodded and Taylor couldn't help but continue to look into his eyes. "Well. Care to level the playing field?"

"Oh. Sorry. I'm Alex," he answered, extending his hand.

"Pleased to meet you, Alex. I'm--"

"Taylor," Alex cut him off.

Taylor smiled. "Reflex," he shrugged.

"Gotcha." Alex smiled and leaned his head back against the couch but didn't break Taylor's gaze.

"So... that was an amazing show you guys just put on."

"Yeah?" he asked. When Taylor nodded immediately, Alex's smile widened. "Thanks."

"The crowd was really into it. You really have your stage presence down."

"You think?" Alex asked and cocked his head to the side.

"Yeah, definitely. I couldn't stop watching you." As soon as he'd gotten the words out, he felt his cheeks get warm and knew that his entire face was flushed. They were both quiet for a while and Taylor didn’t know what scared him more - the silence or the idea of Alex responding to him.

"Listen," Alex said after a minute. "I've got to go outside for a minute. We always try to mingle with the crowd, generate a little buzz... will you wait for me here?"

Taylor tried his best to hide a smile. He wasn’t ready for the conversation to end, either. "Yeah, sure. I'll just.. snack."

"Help yourself, if you can find anything edible," Alex laughed as he lifted himself from the couch. Taylor watched as he gathered the rest of the band and headed for the door but Alex never turned around to wave or flash him another smile. Why did he even want him to? And why had his stomach gotten butterflies when Alex asked him to wait? Taylor shrugged and chalked it up to artist envy as he made his way to the snack table before deciding that Alex was right about the food and laying back down on the couch to wait.

They must have been gone for a long while because before he knew what was happening, Taylor’s shoulder was being shaken by Alex. Apparently he’d drifted off.

“All the guys are going to some bar with these girls they just met but I don’t really feel like staying out. Do you want to keep me company for a while?” Taylor didn’t quite know what to say. “We got a killer suite just a few blocks from here, but when it’s just me, I can only concentrate on all the empty space, you know?”

Taylor’s stomach fluttered for an instant and he nodded. “Yeah, I know the feeling, man. What time is it?”

Alex glanced down at his watch. “Not even midnight yet.”

Taylor thought about it and nodded. “Sounds like a plan. I didn’t really want to go back yet, anyway. There’s only so much time you can spend with your band, you know?”

“But aren’t they your brothers?”

“All the more reason,” he smiled.

“Ok, point taken. So… the suite?”

“Sure.”

Alex helped Taylor off of the couch and led the way out of the club, nodding his goodbyes to the rest of his band at the bar. Aside from a comment or two about the unseasonably cool weather when they stepped out onto the street, they walked in silence and Taylor was beginning to second guess his decision. Why exactly had he said yes? What was it about Alex that made him watch his every movement on stage and find him after the show? What was it that made him so… confused?

“Uh, Taylor?”

He stopped walking and turned around to see Alex a good 20 feet behind him. He must have gotten lost in his thoughts again; he hadn’t even noticed that Alex wasn’t beside him anymore. “Yeah?”

“We’re, uh, here,” he said, gesturing to glass revolving doors behind him.

“Oh, right,” Taylor mumbled, embarrassed. “Sorry,” he said when he’d doubled back to where Alex was standing. “I was just thinking about something.”

“About what?” he asked, cocking his head a little to the side.

Taylor blushed. “Something I probably shouldn’t be thinking about.”

“Well?” Alex asked after a minute had passed. “Care to share?”

He smiled. “Not particularly.”

Alex shrugged. “Have it your way,” he said, walking through the revolving doors and leaving Taylor to follow him through the lobby and to the elevators. Alex wordlessly hit the button for the top floor and leaned against the back of the elevator, staring at the door.

“I’ll tell you if you stop ignoring me,” Taylor consented after they’d gone ten flights in silence.

Alex smiled and faced him for the first time since the street. “Deal,” he answered, looking at him expectantly.

“In the room, though.”

Alex snorted. “Paranoid much?”

He shrugged. “Habit.” The rest of the elevator ride was spent in silence, but a comfortable one. Taylor spent most of it trying to come up with a lie to tell Alex once they’d reach the suite. He didn’t want to freak Alex out by telling him what he’d been thinking, but he didn’t want Alex mad at him either, so he had to tell him something.

The elevator doors opened and Alex led Taylor through the maze of hallways that led to their hotel suite. When they reached the door, Alex inserted and pulled out the card key, walked inside, and headed straight for the couch, where he sat waiting for Taylor. Taylor slowly closed the door behind him and made his way to the couch, sitting down about a foot away from Alex.

“Well?” Alex asked.

It wasn’t until then that Taylor realized he hadn’t come up with a good enough lie. “Well what?” he stalled.

He rolled his eyes. “What were you thinking about that you shouldn’t have been thinking about?”

“Why do you want to know?” Taylor countered, hoping to throw him off track.

“Doesn’t matter,” he shrugged. “You said you’d tell me or I have the right to ignore you.” He reached forward to where the remote control lay on the coffee table and sat back on the couch. “Up to you,” he said, reaching for the power button.

Before he knew what was happening, Taylor leaned forward and brushed his lips against Alex's. He tasted so different than what he was used to. There was no lip gloss, no lipstick. Alex was.. just Alex. He liked it. He knew it was wrong, but he did. Taylor was just about to press his lips a bit harder against Alex's when he felt him pull away.

"I'm.. sorry. I don't know what that was. I just.... I'm sorry." Taylor knew he was blushing again and he couldn't help it. What on earth had he just done?

Alex slowly set down the remote and looked back at Taylor. "No, it's.. I just didn't see that coming, is all."

"Neither did I," Taylor said, lowering his head to study his hands.

"Man, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to lead you on or confuse you. I'm not gay."

Taylor laughed. "Me either."

"Then why did you..."

"I don't know. I just.. really wanted to. Couldn't help myself." He raised his head to give Alex a small, unsure grin.

Alex's smile was equally unsure. "Well was I.. any good?"

Taylor's grin widened, amazed at how embarrassing this situation should be and how comfortable he felt despite that fact. He nodded and laughed a little bit. "Yeah."

"Yeah?" Alex asked. Taylor nodded again. After a long pause, Alex spoke up again. "Betcha I can be better. You know, if I knew it was coming."

Taylor felt his jaw drop and his eyes widen significantly. Was he inviting him to kiss him again? "But you said you weren't gay."

"So did you."

Taylor nodded. “Good point.”

“So… you wanna test out my theory?”

“Which is that, that you’d be better if you knew I was going to kiss you?”

Alex nodded. “Yup. That one.”

Taylor smiled and inched closer to him on the couch. “You know I do,” he whispered, his face just inches from Alex’s.

“Then what are you waiting for?”

Taylor closed his eyes and took a deep, steadying breath in. What was he waiting for? He opened his eyes for an instant to look into Alex’s before closing them again and leaning forward, lightly trapping Alex’s upper lip between his. This time, instead of pulling away, Alex sucked on Taylor’s bottom lip gently and pushed forward.

Taylor’s breathing changed immediately as he pressed as hard as he could against Alex's mouth. God, it felt amazing. Taylor didn’t know if he’d ever felt that good kissing someone before. He was already getting light-headed from lack of air, if not just the surprise of getting off so much from kissing a guy. He scooted forward on the couch so that their thighs were against each other and slipped his left hand around Alex’s waist, pulling him even closer.

Then Alex pulled away, leaving Taylor breathless.

“Was I right?” he asked.

“Huh?”

“Am I better this time?”

“Oh,” Taylor said, trying to steady his spinning mind. “Yeah.”

Alex smiled. “Thought so,” he said triumphantly before leaning back in and recapturing Taylor’s lips. Alex twisted a handful of hair behind each of Taylor’s ears and held him close as Taylor used his thumb to gently stroke his cheek. Taylor sucked lightly on Alex’s tongue, causing him to whimper into Taylor’s mouth.

They sat there on the couch, impossibly close, teasing each other’s lips for what seemed to Taylor like ages. Alex’s lips were so raw and sweet; Taylor just couldn’t get enough of him.

His mouth was at Alex’s neck now as he gently sucked at the warm skin. He felt Alex throw his head back and lean harder against the back of the couch, trying to get comfortable. He raised his head to give Alex a soft kiss on the lips before smiling. “Come with me.” Alex just nodded in response and accepted Taylor’s hand as he rose from the couch and headed toward the adjoined bedroom. When Alex’s back was to the bed, Taylor turned around to face him and smiled, wrapping both arms around his waist and leaning in for another kiss. “More room in here…” he mumbled against his lips. Alex smiled against him and gently cupped his hands around Taylor’s jawbone and neck, pulling his face closer.

“More room for what, exactly?”

“For whatever,” Taylor smiled. He pressed his body gently against Alex, who let himself be pushed on to the bed.

“God, Taylor, what are we doing?” Alex asked as Taylor nibbled on his ear while resting on top of him, straddling his hips.

“I’m supposed to know?” Taylor countered with a wicked grin, biting Alex’s bottom lip.

Alex groaned and threw back his head. “A good point.”

“When do you think the band will be coming back to the room?” Taylor hesitated before asking the question, unsure of what message Alex would get from it. Taylor wasn’t even sure what message he wanted Alex to get from it.

“I think they said something about crashing at their place?”

“Did they?” Taylor asked, trying to hide the excitement on his face.

Alex nodded and smiled widely. “Yeah. Why?”

“No reason…” Taylor mumbled with another wicked grin before leaning back down to kiss Alex again.

Taylor whimpered into Alex’s mouth when he felt his warm hands massaging his back underneath his shirt just a few moments later. He sat up, still straddling Alex’s waist, and lifted his arms as Alex sat up underneath him and pulled his shirt off before lifting his own arms and letting Taylor do the same to him. Their hands met in the air and Taylor laced their fingers together, smiling and reuniting their lips as he fell slowly forward onto Alex, their bare chests pressed against each other.

With his tongue still exploring Alex’s mouth, Taylor’s hands moved instinctively to the zipper of Alex’s jeans, undoing the button before he felt Alex hesitate beneath him.

Suddenly the crimson in Taylor’s face was for an entirely different reason and he jumped off of Alex, ashamed. “Too fast?” he whispered. When Alex didn’t answer after a minute, Taylor’s head dropped lower. “Not too fast… not interested.” He could feel Alex’s eyes studying him and it made him incredibly uncomfortable. There was something about Alex… Taylor could feel him reading his soul.

The mattress moved from beneath Taylor as Alex shifted his weight. Taylor brought himself to glance up in Alex’s direction to find that he was getting off of the bed. Taylor’s heart sank. He wasn’t really used to being turned down, but he didn’t think that’s what was upsetting him. Alex was different than anybody he’d been with. It wasn’t just because he was a guy - the attraction went past that. Before he could even begin to put into words what he was feeling, Alex’s voice startled him out of his reverie. “Get up.”

Taylor was surprised at the soft tone of his voice. As much as he didn’t want to leave the bed, he did as he was told and weakly stood a few feet in front of Alex. He opened his mouth - to say what, only God knows - but before any words escaped his mouth, he was distracted by Alex’s hands. They were unbuttoning his jeans the rest of the way. Without speaking a word, he slowly pulled off his jeans and boxers, staring Taylor in the eye the entire time.

Taylor stood in amazement, positively reveling in the sight before him. Alex’s body was lean, not entirely unlike his own. There was hardly a hint of a tan to be found and Taylor liked that. He couldn’t believe what he was about to do, but something about Alex was so entrancing and all-consuming. He couldn’t control his own actions anymore and he didn’t even want to.

“Sit down,” he gently said as steadily as his voice would allow him, refusing to break Alex’s gaze. When Alex complied, Taylor slowly fell down to his knees in front of him.

“Taylor…” Alex said unsurely.

“Shhh, just relax.” Taylor comforted. “I’ll be fine,” he added, reading the concern on Alex’s face.

Alex nodded slowly and leaned back, resting against his hands behind him on the bed.

Taylor smiled and lightly rested his hands on Alex’s thighs, spreading them further apart. “Ready?”

Alex looked down at him, his soft curls almost hiding his dark brown eyes. “God, yes,” he whispered, nodding for emphasis.

Taylor smiled again, trying to hide his uncertainty. He wasn’t exactly sure what knowledge about blow jobs he could transfer from receiving one to actually giving one. Sneaking one last glance up at Alex’s face, Taylor leaned forward and wrapped his mouth around Alex’s dick, licking the head in a twirling motion. Alex shuddered and moaned loudly, encouraging him. Taylor slowly slid down the length of him, putting as much inside his mouth as he could and wrapping his hand around what he couldn’t reach. When he pulled his mouth back to tease Alex by kissing the head, a few drops of pre-cum dripped onto his lips. Surprised at how much that turned him on, he quickly slid his mouth back down Alex’s length, this time deep throating him all the way. When Alex began bucking his hips against his mouth, Taylor grabbed hold of his thighs tightly and moaned, sending little vibrations down Alex’s dick.

Alex fell backward onto the bed as his arms gave from beneath him and continued to moan. “God… Taylor… I think I’m already close.”

He started sucking harder, moving his head up and down as fast as he could. Somewhere above him on the bed, he heard Alex gasping desperately for air. He continued to suck him as hard as he could, moving his head with the movements of Alex’s hips as he writhed on the bed. Alex was mumbling something incoherent and his head was rocking back and forth, his hand grasping Taylor’s hair. Taylor pulled up on Alex’s cock with his mouth and sucked harder than he thought he could and suddenly felt something warm coat the inside of his mouth as Alex came inside of him. It didn’t taste that bad and Taylor swallowed it down to avoid choking, but when it kept coming, it started to taste good and he sucked it all down eagerly until Alex was dry.

He wiped his mouth casually and climbed up on the bed next to Alex, watching him as he regained composure, smiling widely and breathing erratically at first, then slower and deeper. “Jesus,” he exhaled. Taylor did nothing but smile.

They lay there in silence for a minute, marveling at the sight of each other and what they had just done, when Alex leaned forward until it was mere inches from Taylor’s.

“Now for you,” Alex whispered into his ear, grabbing him through his jeans before unzipping them and sliding them off, along with his boxers. Taylor lay on the bed, completely exposed, as Alex sat next to him, slowly taking him in. He’d never felt so utterly bare before, but he willed himself to lay still and not move, allowing Alex to do whatever he wanted.

Alex slowly repositioned himself next to Taylor, laying down on his side with one arm across Taylor’s chest, and leaned for a kiss. “I’m going to have my way with you now,” he said after he broke the long kiss, winking devilishly. He leaned in again but not to kiss Taylor’s lips. This time, he planted butterfly kisses along his jaw line and down his neck to his collarbone.

Taylor buried his head against the pillow and ran his hand through his own hair as Alex’s kisses moved from his neck to his chest. He kissed a line from one nipple to the next, breathing hot air onto the wet trail as he went. Suddenly, Alex’s tongue swirled in little circles around his right nipple and it was all Taylor could do not to pull his own hair out. Hearing Taylor’s moans of approval, Alex lifted his head to flash him a smile before returning his mouth to his chest. Now his kisses were moving along the middle of Taylor’s faint six-pack and down the ever-sensitive wisps of hair. Taylor closed his eyes in ecstasy as he felt Alex’s calloused hand wrap around his shaft and start to slowly pump up and down.

“Taylor,” Alex breathed against his neck.

“Hmm?” he asked, leaning back his head to give Alex more access.

Alex’s hand stopped moving. “Fuck me?”

Taylor froze. He had to admit, he’d been hoping that’s what Alex wanted. “Alex… are you sure?”

Alex nodded. “I just… really want it. Can’t help myself.” He flashed Taylor a knowing grin before kissing him again, nibbling and licking his bottom lip lightly.

Taylor’s heart fluttered as the muscles around his groin tightened and his dick twitched with anticipation. Then a realization came to him and his heart sank. “But we don’t have any… lube, do we? You need that, right? I don’t want to hurt you.”

Alex’s face fell. “No, I don’t have any.” He bit his lip and Taylor could see the cogs turning in his brain.

“You are so cute.”

Alex smiled and crinkled his nose. “Yeah?” Taylor nodded and leaned forward to kiss him lightly on the lips. “Then sleep with me,” Alex breathed into his ear.

“God, I want to.”

Alex cupped Taylor’s face with both of his hands and held it in front of him, staring into his eyes. “Then do it. I’ll be ok.”

“Promise to stop me if it hurts too much?”

Alex nodded. “Promise.”

He took a shaky breath in, contemplating. “Ok.”

“Ok,” Alex repeated, releasing the breath he had been holding. This was happening. Then he remembered something. “Wait!”

It was Taylor’s turn for his face to fall. He looked back and forth between Alex’s eyes. He was afraid to speak and barely managed to whisper, “What?”

“Don’t judge me, but my hands get dry sometimes…” Alex began. 

Taylor chuckled. “And?”

“And I use lotion for them – like, sensitive skin lotion. That would work, right?”

Taylor exhaled. “I think so,” he answered. “Yeah, I think so.” A smile spread slowly across his face and he leaned forward to kiss Alex. “I’ve never been more thankful for sensitive skin,” he joked.

Alex laughed. “Well, you’re welcome. Just one sec.”

Taylor sat up to watch Alex leave the room before sinking back onto the bed. What on earth was he doing? He’d started out the night with nothing to do and, on a whim, had stepped inside a club he was passing on his walk. And now, he’d met Alex. Alex was… unlike anybody he’d ever met.

“Tada!” Alex practically sang, running back into the room with a small bottle of lotion and a box of condoms.

“Amazing,” Taylor smiled, standing up and reaching for the condoms. Before he could grab one, Alex pulled back his hand. Taylor shot him a confused look. Was he backing out?

“Can… I put it on you?”

If Taylor wasn’t hard before, he was then. His eyes widened and his mouth fell open. “Uh… yeah. If you want.”

“I mean, if you don’t want me to--”

“No,” Taylor cut him off. “I definitely want you to.”

Alex grinned shyly. “Good.” He continued to smile as he pulled a condom out of the box and sat down on the edge of the bed, opening the wrapper. Taylor stood before him, his dick practically in Alex’s face and twitching with anticipation. “Ok,” Alex said under his breath as he slowly unrolled the condom down Taylor’s length. “Jesus you’re hard.” Taylor smiled. That was definitely true; he couldn’t even remember the last time he was this hard. After the condom, Alex put a little lotion in his hand and rubbed it over Taylor’s length. When he was done, he sat back and smiled at Taylor, a look of accomplishment on his face. “There,” he said matter-of-factly.

“Yeah,” Taylor answered, suddenly nervous. There was nothing left to do now except… it.

Alex must have read Taylor’s thoughts from the look on his face. “I know.”

“You’re still sure you want to do this, right?” He didn’t feel like he could ask that question enough.

“Definitely,” Alex reassured him, scooting back and laying down, resting his head on a pillow. “Come here.”

Taylor nodded silently and slowly crawled on top of Alex, lining their faces up so that they were once again staring into each other’s eyes. On impulse, Taylor kissed him roughly, capturing both lips between his before parting them with his tongue. With his eyes still open and staring into Alex’s, Taylor shivered as their tongues brushed against each other, dancing. “You tell me if it hurts too much, ok?”

“Ok,” Alex replied hastily.

“I’m serious, Alex. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Alex smiled and lifted his head, kissing Taylor again. “I know you don’t.”

“So you’ll stop me if it hurts?”

Alex looked hard at Taylor and nodded. “Ok.”

“Ok,” Taylor smiled faintly.

He took a deep breath before slowly guiding his dick into Alex. He was so tight.. his insides gripped Taylor in all the right places. He tried unsuccessfully to contain a load moan and told himself not to let himself come right away. It felt so incredible, he wanted to make it last. He slowly pushed himself deeper, trying to be tender, as he watched Alex for his response. When Alex bit his lip and furrowed his brow in pain, Taylor stopped moving. “Are you ok? Do you still want to do this?”

“Yeah,” he answered, his voice barely audible. “It kind of hurts, but.. in a good way,” he grunted. “Go deeper.”

“You sure?” Taylor asked and bit his lip. It felt amazing to him, but he really didn’t want to hurt Alex.

Alex nodded and thrust his hips against him tentatively, grunting again. “I’m sure.”

At the sensation of Alex pushing him even deeper, Taylor fell forward and landed an elbow on either side of Alex. “You tell me if it hurts, ok?” he asked into Alex’s ear before nibbling on the lobe.

“Ok, just… do it,” he breathed, his voice full of lust. “Please.”

Taylor lifted his head and pressed his lips against Alex’s with a smile. “Ok,” he said, gently biting his bottom lip. Alex returned the kiss passionately and slipped his tongue across Taylor’s lip before invading his mouth, moaning softly. Alex’s sudden initiative was all Taylor needed to continue thrusting, but very gently. It felt absolutely amazing and before long, they’d found a slow rhythm together.

“Kiss me again,” came Alex’s whisper from beneath Taylor. “It… hurts less when you kiss me.”

“It hurts?”

“I didn’t mean that. And even if I did,” he interrupted Taylor when he opened his mouth to protest, “I’m ok. Just kiss me.”

The idea of stopping crossed Taylor’s mind but it felt too unbelievably good to stop. Besides, if Alex said he was alright, then he was alright, right? Satisfied with his logic, Taylor started moving even more slowly and leaned down to gently kiss Alex’s lips.

Alex’s hands found Taylor’s hair and he used one hand to pull his face closer and began twirling random pieces of the blonde locks with the other. At the same time, Taylor, resting his weight on his elbows on either side of Alex, gently traced invisible lines on Alex’s cheek with his forefinger.

For the next few minutes, he concentrated on teasing Alex’s lips and continued to move slowly in and out of him. He didn’t know how much longer he could go without coming, but he didn’t want to do that until Alex could come at the same time. He wasn’t even enjoying himself yet. Taylor adjusted his position slightly and kissed Alex a little deeper. Beneath him, Alex’s body shook and he moaned into his mouth.

“It’s starting to feel… oh God, it feels so good,” Alex whispered, bucking his hips against Taylor. Taylor nearly cried out at the sensation but suffocated the noise by kissing Alex deeply. He felt much better now, knowing that they were both enjoying it. Alex bucked his hips again, ever harder than last time. “Come on, Taylor,” he moaned into his ear. “I’m ok. Do it.”

That was all the encouragement Taylor needed. He started pumping in and out harder and faster than before. He was quickly losing control of himself as all the familiar sensations began to take over his body more powerfully than they ever had before. He reached down between them and grabbed Alex’s hard-again dick, pumping his hand up and down the shaft slowly and then faster and faster. Alex moaned and writhed beneath him, wrapping his legs around Taylor and pushing him in even deeper. Taylor cried out and threw back his head, closing his eyes and biting down hard on his lip. He was pumping fast into Alex now and every inward thrust brought him closer as his hand flew up and down Alex’s dick, now slick with pre-cum. He could tell Alex was close, too, by his erratic shallow breath as he gasped for air with his eyes tightly shut. “Taylor,” he said, barely above a whisper. “Make me come.”

Alex’s hint at dirty talk almost pushed Taylor over the edge as he thrust himself as hard and deep into Alex as he could just a few more times, pumping his hand tighter and faster than before. He desperately tried to breathe as his vision got blurry and everything turned white. “Alex…” he whispered, unable to finish his thought.

“God, Tay, me too,” he grunted.

Taylor’s body started shaking as he came hard inside Alex at the same time that Alex exploded onto Taylor’s hand and both of their stomachs. He thrust himself in Alex a few more times, gradually slowing down until he was spent. Breathing shakily and covered in goose bumps, he pulled out of Alex and collapsed at his side.

As they lay there, legs still entwined and their breathing slowly calming, Taylor grinned and ran a finger absent-mindedly across Alex's chest. “So this is how it’s supposed to be,” he said to himself but loud enough for Alex to hear. Alex just smiled beside him and snaked an arm beneath him, gripping his waist comfortably. As he drifted off into a peaceful sleep, Taylor couldn’t help but smile to himself as he wondered how many songs would be written about that night.


	2. Sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story deserved more chapters but ultimately ended after just two.

Please answer, Taylor silently prayed. Please, please answer…

“Hello?”

Taylor froze. “Uh… h-hey, Alex.”

“Bye, Taylor.”

“Alex! Don’t. Please, listen to me.”

“Why?” he snapped. “After you… you know what? Don’t even bother. I’m hanging up now.”

“I freaked! I’m sorry. I woke up and I saw you and I thought… I thought that you-- that you’d be embarrassed. I thought that my brothers would find out. I--”

“You don’t just leave after something like that, Taylor. You can’t just leave without saying goodbye. Do you have any idea…”

Taylor squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath in. “I do. I’m so sorry.”

“Well I don’t care.”

Taylor heard a click from the other end and then silence. He held the phone to his ear until it started beeping incessantly at him before he hit cancel and threw it across the room in frustration. Yeah, he’d fucked up, but now he was getting pissed off. A million unreturned phone calls and now this? Alex had no right… but Taylor knew that Alex was giving him exactly what he deserved. He had left him without warning after the night they’d spent together - the only night either had ever spent with another man.

Fuck it, Taylor thought. He can avoid my phone calls, but he can’t avoid me standing at his door.

He grabbed his jacket, threw on a scarf, and picked up his cell phone from where it had landed in the corner of the room. His brothers had gone off to eat, so he didn’t have to worry about lying to them. All he had to worry about was whether or not Alex would be there when he arrived. It had been nearly a week since they’d seen each other; maybe he’d moved to a different hotel, a different city. Taylor shook his head. He’d be there because he had to be there. He just had to be.

Taylor walked the entire distance, hugging his arms around himself to keep warm. He knew the path well. It was embedded in his brain after that long, long walk home after he’d left Alex all alone.

Luckily, there was no doorman to impress when he reached the building, and Taylor walked nervously to the elevator and hit the appropriate floor level. He had to lean against the railing to keep his balance. He closed his eyes and held on tight until he heard that familiar ding telling him he’d reached his destination. He took a deep breath and walked down the hallways. His pace had slowed considerably by the time he reached the door.

He studied the wallpaper, the painting on the door, even the number nailed in its center, before he could make himself knock. It was only after he had that Taylor realized he hadn’t come up with anything to say.

Alex didn’t answer the door; another member of the band did.

“Uh… hey, man,” the guy who answered the door said hesitantly. “You have the wrong room number?”

Taylor opened his mouth to answer, his eyes scanning the room, and Alex stood when they locked gazes. The guy at the door saw the exchange and took a step back. “You know Alex?” he asked.

Taylor nodded. “Uh, yeah.”

“Well come in!” the guy said with a big smile. “I’m Jason.” He extended his hand and shook Taylor’s, waiting for Taylor to come inside before closing the door again. “That’s Sam, that’s Darren,” he pointed out as Taylor stood with his hands in his pockets, eyes never leaving Alex’s even through Jason’s introductions.

“Hey.” Jason’s voice cut through the silence in Taylor’s mind and Taylor turned suddenly to look at him. “Oh holy shit!” Jason exclaimed, hand over mouth. “You’re Taylor Hanson, aren’t you?” Taylor nodded again. “Right on. Hey, your last record, that was pretty good.”

He finally smiled. “Thanks,” he said, accepting Jason’s hand for a second time.

Jason nodded and went back to the chair where he’d been sitting before Taylor’s arrival. Alex remained standing. “Yeah, my girlfriend picked it up and had me listen. Really, it’s great.” He nodded and smiled up at Taylor, bringing one foot up to rest on his knee.

“Thanks,” Taylor nodded uncomfortably. He looked around at the faces in the room. The other guys Taylor had seen on stage the previous week had already turned their attention back to the women sitting next to them and Taylor was grateful. When his eyes eventually met Alex’s again, he tried to smile but failed.

Jason looked back and forth between the two of them for a second. “So how long have you known Taylor Hanson, Alex?” he asked with a grin.

“I don’t,” Alex answered.

“Not really,” Taylor elaborated quickly. “I saw you guys last week, down the road. We met there.”

“Oh, really, you were at the show?” Jason asked excitedly. “How did you like it?”

“It was good,” Taylor nodded, moving his hands from his front pockets to his back pockets. “Yeah, it was really good. I, uh, I came backstage to say so, but you guys were all busy so I just told Alex.” Taylor chuckled.

“Yeah,” Alex agreed, crossing his arms and finally sitting back down. “Said we had real stage presence.” Something about his tone bit through Taylor’s skin.

“You do,” Taylor insisted, cutting his eyes at Alex for no longer than an instant.

“Well look at that, the Taylor Hanson seal of approval,” Jason nodded appreciatively. “Hey man, I’m gonna get a drink. Why don’t you sit down?” Jason stood and motioned to his chair.

Taylor didn’t know how to turn down his offer, so he sat down hesitantly on the edge of the chair, turning to Alex once Jason was out of earshot. He waited for Alex to say something first, but it soon became clear that it wasn’t going to happen.

“I had to come,” he said quietly, but in as normal a voice as he could muster. He didn’t want to suddenly attract the attention of the other people in the room.

“Just like you had to leave?” Alex asked. “Unannounced?”

Taylor’s head fell and he shook his head. “Can you at least let me talk to you?” he asked. “Please?” He raised his face to find Alex looking at it, his expression having softened just a little.

“Fine,” he said, standing. “Hey Jace, I’m gonna show Taylor some of our guitars, ok?” he called toward the kitchen.

“Yeah, sure thing, man, just don’t mess ‘em up,” Jason called back with a laugh.

Alex looked at Taylor hesitantly, then led him into the bedroom. Taylor followed him with uneven breath, stopping once they were inside to look around. He felt something in his heart tighten when he saw the bed. Alex closed the door and leaned against it.

“What?” he asked, looking straight through Taylor. “You have my attention now.”

“Please don’t be angry,” Taylor said softly. He looked around and found nowhere to sit but the bed; he stayed standing.

“Oh, ok, I’m not angry now,” Alex rolled his eyes. “Feel better? Guilt-free, so you can leave again?”

“I don’t want to leave,” Taylor said firmly, taking off his scarf and holding it tightly in his hands. “I just want to say I’m sorry and for you to forgive me.”

“Forgive you?” Alex repeated, leaving the door and walking nearer to Taylor.

Taylor sighed. “Yes,” he said, his voice weakening.

“If I say you’re forgiven, will you leave?” he asked, crossing his arms once again.

Taylor looked to the floor. “If you want me to,” he granted quietly.

Alex’s arms fell to his sides. “I don’t,” he admitted, walking to the bed and sitting down.

Taylor turned as Alex moved, following him with his eyes. He didn’t follow him or say anything. He didn’t know if he should.

“Look, I get that it was a mistake,” Alex began. “But still, couldn’t you have stayed to tell me that? Instead of making me wake up all alone to piece it together?” His hands had fallen in his lap, and he looked at them instead of Taylor.

Taylor frowned and couldn’t find words. He couldn’t look at Alex now; instead, he looked out the window beyond the bed. It was sunny out, despite the cold weather. It lit up the room without any light bulbs on. “I didn’t…” he began, then stopped. He looked back at Alex, who was looking up at him now, and took a few halted steps toward him. “I didn’t leave to make you think it was a mistake,” he finished.

Alex looked relieved for a second, but then he hid it in his face and looked at Taylor almost normally. “Then why did you?”

“Because it wasn’t a mistake,” Taylor answered, unable to word it any other way. He looked around the room again, and back at the closed door, before walking the rest of the way to Alex and sitting down next to him. “Because I didn’t want it to not be a mistake,” he admitted.

“Why?” Alex asked, childlike curiosity in his voice.

“Why?” Taylor repeated. “Because of my parents, because of my fans. Because it’s not supposed to be right.” He bit his lip.

“Says who?”

Taylor almost smiled. “My parents, my fans…” he answered. “Everybody.”

Alex looked at Taylor’s profile for a minute, then glanced at the door. “Listen,” he said simply, holding his own hands to keep them occupied. “If you think it’s not right, then you should leave. But if you’re just saying all that because of other people…” he trailed off, not sure how to finish his sentence.

Taylor looked up at him. “I’ve been thinking about you all week,” he admitted at random, unable to keep it to himself any longer.

“And calling me all week,” Alex grinned.

“Yeah,” Taylor nodded. “I just wanted to see you again,” he said softly.

“Look, this is really weird, ok?” Alex shrugged. “I know it’s weird. I’ve never felt this way about a guy either,” he almost grinned when he said it out loud, “but, you know, here we are.”

“Yeah,” Taylor said again, looking bravely into Alex’s eyes. He couldn’t stop himself then. He leaned forward and pecked Alex’s lips, quickly but softly. He pulled back and looked at his own hands.

After a minute of silence, Taylor raised his head to find Alex smiling faintly at him. “I really am sorry I left,” Taylor said, and Alex nodded.

“I know.”

The door clicked open and the two froze. “Hey, man, don’t--” Jason stopped mid-sentence, drink in hand. “I thought you were showing him the guitars…”

“Oh!” Alex exclaimed. “Yeah, I did, and then he wanted to know, uh, about our schedule so I was just telling him what shows we had coming up.”

“Yeah, it sounds like you guys are really busy,” Taylor piped up, turning to look at Jason only after Alex had finished talking.

“Ugh, tell me about it,” Jason agreed. “I can’t even remember the last time I slept in my own bed.”

“I know the feeling,” Taylor returned. “We’re out here recording. I haven’t been home in weeks.”

Jason shook his head. “Living the life,” he shrugged with a smile, taking some of his drink.

Taylor laughed. “Exactly,” he agreed.

“So you kids make up?” Jason asked with a conniving grin, making Alex and Taylor jump a little.

“What?” Alex asked.

Jason shrugged. “Nothin’. You guys coming back out here?”

“Psh,” Alex laughed. “Of course.” He stood and didn’t wait for Taylor as he walked past Jason and back into the main room. Taylor stood and walked a little more slowly than Alex had, taking careful note of Jason’s demeanor in as casual a way as he could. When he was back in the main room, he made his way back to his original chair, and smiled up at Jason.

“Hey man, you wanna drink?” Jason asked.

“Sure,” Taylor nodded. “Whatever you got,” he shrugged. Jason smiled and walked off toward the kitchen, and Taylor turned to Alex and shook his head. “We’re fucked,” he mouthed to him, but Alex just shook his head in denial.

A phone ringing cut through the relative silence of the room, and Taylor jumped to answer it as quickly as possible. His face blanched a little when he saw the name, but he answered it anyway. “Hey… well, you guys were gone… I’m just a few blocks away, man… no, I’m with Phantom Planet… Phantom Planet, yeah, they’re this local band… no, don’t-- don’t come over… because I was just about to leave… Zac… we should record anyway, I’ll be back in a few… ok… ok I’ll see you in a few.” He hung up only to find Jason already standing next to him with his drink.

“Oh, sorry, man, I gotta go. My brother just called.”

“You sure?” he asked, sitting Taylor’s drink down on the end table next to him.

“Yeah, we’re kind of behind schedule anyway. I just came over while they were out eating,” Taylor shrugged.

“Alright man, well listen. Stop by whenever,” Jason shrugged. “This is kind of home base for the next couple of weeks, so feel free.”

Taylor nodded and stood. “Thanks,” he said to Jason, then nodded in Alex’s direction. “Maybe I will, if I have time.”

Alex picked up his cue and nodded, thankful that Jason’s back was to him. Taylor nodded just once back and slipped his scarf back around his neck as he turned to leave. “Nice meeting you guys,” he said, halfway out the door. With a short wave to the entire room, he backed out into the hallway and walked quickly to the elevator. At this point, the longer he was gone, the more questions he would have to answer.

When he reached the hotel room where they were staying, he took a quick breath and walked inside as normally as possible. “Hey,” he breathed, nodding at his two brothers and taking off his coat.

“Hey,” Isaac called from where he sat comfortably on the couch, remote in hand.

“Hey,” Zac nodded, reaching for a soda from the fridge. “Where have you been?”

“I told you,” Taylor shrugged. “Down the street.”

“Why couldn’t we come?”

“Jesus, Zac, it’s not like we’re still 14 and 11, make your own friends.” He regretted it as soon as he said it, and he avoided Zac’s eyes. “We have a lot of work to do,” he said, his voice apologetic, “I didn’t want to waste the day in some band’s hotel room.”

Zac nodded and put his soda down. “Yeah, ok,” he agreed.

Isaac walked into the front kitchen area and leaned against the open doorway. “We leaving?” he asked and was met by silence. He looked back and forth between Taylor and Zac. “We fighting?” he asked with a sideways smile.

“No, we’re fine,” Zac said, his voice doing nothing to prove or disprove his words.

“Yeah,” Taylor agreed, smiling. “You guys ready?” He was starving at this point, having skipped his time to eat by going to see Alex, but he ignored it.

Both brothers nodded. “Let’s go,” Zac said, walking to the door first, even though he’d been furthest away.

“Hey,” Taylor said confidentially, standing when Zac was between him and the door. “I was thinking about going back in the next few days. Wanna come?”

“I’m not 11, Taylor,” he whispered back a little harshly, then looked at Taylor’s face and relented. “But thanks. Maybe I will.”

Taylor nodded and smiled. “You should,” he said before he knew his own words. Zac just nodded again and opened the door, leading the three of them to the elevator and eventually to the studio they’d been using for the last few weeks.


End file.
